This is me trying to figure it all out.

Source: Spotify

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The productive week continued at work, though towards the end there was so much that needed to be done it was almost overwhelming. Thank goodness for a long weekend!

Yesterday I cleaned out my car and then got my car washed & vacuumed after months of procrastination. It feels so good to have a tidy & clean car.

Yesterday I also attempted to return a dress I bought back in Oct/Nov. It’d never been worn and still had the tag on it, but I’ve long since lost the tag. I was driving by the store and thought, what the heck?! I think I bought it for $30, but it’s now on sale, so I got $20 of in-store credit. Not too shabby!


Below is a photo of all the stuff I went through tonight that I’m going to take to Plato’s Closet to try to sell. It’s so full the lid won’t close. This doesn’t include about 10 items that I didn’t think they’d purchase.

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De-cluttering feels so good.

This is what progress looks like!
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I haven’t figured out what to do with t-shirts that hold some significance but I don’t wear anymore. I did a lot of Googling tonight on creative ways to upcycle t-shirts. There were some cool projects, but none that exactly captured what I want to do. So for now t-shirts for upcycling have been placed aside in piles waiting for their next lives.

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Date: 5/26/2013
Current Weight: 192.2
Goal: 155
Pounds til Goal: 37.2
How I Am Feeling: Productive

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Mentally I hadn’t really been to work in over two weeks. (I mean, if I’m being honest. Heck, it could even have been 3). My head literally wasn’t in the game. My weakest excuse was that I was working 70-80 hours a week, so lack of brains x more hours = somewhat evened out.

Today I was productive as hell! It was amazeballs!

It was as though procrastination was the enemy, and I was winning.

At least a week’s worth of work in one day!

I wish I had this type of focus everyday, but I’ll take it when I can get it.

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Date: 5/21/2013
Current Weight: 193.2
Goal: 155
Pounds til Goal: 38.2
How I Am Feeling: Productive

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Declutter Day 1 1/2 (kinda started on Sunday)

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2 Boxes of Items either for Garage Sale or Good Will
1 Bag of Trash
1 Bag of Recycling (see below)
2 Boxes of Items for Gifting


One task today was to go through old CD cases (some of the CDs themselves have long since been stolen over the years—mostly that one time in college… it was sad…  :( …. well, anyways….). My goal was to cut the number kept in half.

Also, I held on to some of the nicer backs of the cases that weren’t very scratched for a potential creative/crafty project for when I move. All the other jewel cases will end up in one of the handy recycle bins at Target or Best Buy.

Here’s a grocery bag full of CD cases ready for recycling! image

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Now all my CD cases - both those with CDs in them and those for nostalgia - fit on one simple case. No more stacks on stacks on stacks!

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Other action items for the day were:

  • De-cluttered my car
  • Took recycling to church (they don’t have recycling pick up out in the middle of nowhere, which is apparently where I live)
  • Had lunch with a friend
  • Did a load of laundry


I’d say today was a success.

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This summer @ 193 pounds = 31.1

Last summer @ 202 pounds = 32.6 

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After a long, wonderful, loving, positive talk with Stephanie today, I confirmed my decision to no longer be best friends with Ashlind.

This is not a brand new decision. I started to make it two months ago. Bonds of friendship are not easily broken, so this week I gave one final attempt for mending of fences. All I found instead was negativity, harsh judgement, chaos, lack of compassion, anger, inability to forgive/ let go of the past, and someone who is unable to make every situation dramatic and about herself. Life can become really tough and friends need to be supportive, not crazy and self-involved. Right now I feel that being her friend encourages a cycle that accepts her tantrums and says that her childlike behaviors don’t have to change.

I think Ashlind has amazing potential. She’s smart, creative, and more passionate than half the people I know. I know that when she makes some major internal shifts, lets go of a lot of fears/self-doubt, and decides to funnel all of herself into productive ventures and creating a positive self, she’s going to have every success she’s ever wanted.

While I may have shed a few tears in this process, I know that the people I surround myself with and look to for advice need to be (or at least need to want to be) positive and healthy. Maybe someday that will be Ashlind. Until then, it’s time to let go.

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Day 2 of Funny with Money: Sessions 1 & 2

Before starting the session, I confirmed/ remeasured the statements below and found all were strong/yes.
1. God is 100% My Friend.
2. I no longer value Anger.
3. I have Forgiven myself for ALL self-angers.
4. I am free from the HABIT of self-anger and criticism.


Money is a Symbol for the Richness of ALL LIFE.

"People talk about "making money." A synonym for "make" is "create." Our challenge is to love what we create, right from the beginning of our lives." p.43

Today I worked on statements such as:
"Money is My Friend"
"I like my Mistakes"
"I prefer not to make mistakes"
"I am willing to make mistakes"
"I give myself permission to make mistakes"
"Miss-takes are now learning opportunities"

We are taught to dislike mistakes - to make a mistake means we get punished, feel bad. We cannot be creative without making mistakes. You benefit from liking your mistakes in order to be free to be creative.

Note: Liking mistakes is not the same thing as wanting to make mistakes.

I am now completely friends with money and becoming less “funny” with money. I am more willing to make mistakes and see them as learning opportunities.

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Date: 5/16/2013
Current Weight: 192.2
Goal: 155
Pounds til Goal: 37.2
How I Am Feeling: Sick-ish (most of the week) but still as though I’m making big progress. So… Good. : )

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Since I have been working so much, I had today off.  I used the day to rest and start the “Funny with Money” course. [“Core Health: Are you funny with money? Symbol for the Richness of ALL Life.”]

Chapter 3: Engaging Heart & Energy: A Startling Reality was all about “preparing the terrain” of our inner life to be excellent. Using a process to deeply, thoroughly, and quickly find out information such as Starting
Point, Decision Point, and Anchor Points, it was then possible to clear all those points to confirm new energy decisions and flow.


First here’s a little glossary of terms:
Decision Point: Migraine headaches, bulimia, cancer, emotional “wounds,”  weight issues, all have a Decision Point when the person non-consciously decided to have the problem. Negative energies “find” a stimulus event to attach to an coalesce around as a Decision.

Starting Point: Earlier in Life, the person had never even considered the issue, then comes their first awareness of it. They “Start down the road” to making the decision by picking up the first bit of “evidence” — the Starting Point. Pieces of “evidence” picked up along the way eventually attach to and coalesce around a stimulus/drama/trauma into the Decision Point. The Starting Point is the initiation of the negative energy - collects more “evidence” - then seeks an event around which to coalesce.

Anchor Point: Following the Decision Point, additional baggage (“evidence”) is collected, then there is another stimulus that creates the Anchor Point - a reaffirming of the Decision. This anchors the Decision more tightly in the energy system.

Number of Anchor Points: Repeated life events, traumas, dramas, etc. cause added reaffirming of the Decision. There can be dozens, hundreds, 100s of thousands of Anchor Points. The number is not relevant - they will all be cleared. The key is bringing up all points by acknowledging them, so they can be cleared.

Basically it’s a story line. Starting Point is when you become aware of an issue. Decision Point is when you decide to have the issue. And the Anchor Points are when you say “Yep yep, I made a good decision” and reaffirm your choice was the right one.

Starting Point —> Decision Point —> Anchor Point —> Lots more Anchor Points


Today my story line was about a childhood event. Decision Point carry the most energy. My DP was at 13.

DP
“At age 14, my Heart and Energy are participating 100% in my life.” No
“At age 13, my Heart and Energy are participating 100% in my life.” No -- Strong emotional response, began to cry
“At age 12, my Heart and Energy are participating 100% in my life.” Yes

When I started 8th grade — Emotional reaction
Year I wanted to kill myself — Strong emotional reaction, began to cry

SP
At age 12, I have started down the road to making this decision. Yes
At age 11, I have started down the road to making this decision. No
At age 10, I have started down the road to making this decision. No  

Locate the person and event/stimulus when I first picked up some “evidence” or junk that “living protectively in my head” may be a good idea.  

AP
My first Anchor Point is age 13. Yes
My first Anchor Point is age 14. No

More than 9.5 million APs
 
After listening to clearing process CD, took approximately 4 hours for all Anchor Points to be released.

At the end I checked the statement: “My Heart and Energy are participating 100% in this process.” Answer: YES

Amazing day of “preparing the terrain.” : )

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Date: 5/13/2013
Current Weight: 194.4
Goal: 155
Pounds til Goal: 39.4
How I Am Feeling: Clear

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The last week or two I’ve been letting my fears and insecurities rise to the surface (instead of keeping them hidden & buried) in a process of healing. This has been HORRIBLE in so many ways. Some days have been very dark. I feel intensely and my emotions are heightened. There’s been a good deal of crying. Sometimes I am incredibly sad - yet others remarkably happy & free. I remind myself it’s part of the clearing process/cycle. I can’t move forward if I am holding myself back… And I’ve been holding a lot in for a long time.

Each day I relax, clear my mind, and let whatever needs to be addressed come up. I give myself permission to let it be recognized but, more importantly, to let it go. I release myself from my insecurities and fears. Fear of success. Fear of failure. Fear of happiness. If I want to achieve my goals, I can’t secretly fear the things I want.

I am now finding myself at a point where I feel more bold and less vulnerable. Being “real” includes the good and the bad portions of ourselves and others will judge us less than we worry they will. I am becoming more bold with saying, “This is what I need. I accept nothing less. (Because I’ve accepted less in the past, and it was not healthy for me.)”

Overall the clearing process is one more way of being honest with myself about my wants and needs and providing a solution to getting out of my own way.

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Date: 5/10/2013
Current Weight: 195.2
Goal: 155
Pounds til Goal: 40.2
How I Am Feeling: A mess.

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